My Future Sex Vehicle

Along the road uphill to my house, there are always people parking their cars for the view of the KL city. My friends, one night, asked me what is there to see the view. I said “well, they can have sex while watching the view. It’s their scenario for sex!!”

They asked “What? they have sex in the bushes?”

I said “No. In the car. They like the excitement of having sex with a beautiful scenery and the risk of getting caught red handed. That way, when they cum they’ll cum really hard!!! IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MOOD.”

I think i’m gonna do that with my wife. I’ll get a car and call it THE SEX CAR!

MyVi is not spacious enough, although you can still do woman-on-top style at the back seat but nothing else.

Toyota Vios is an absolute no no. I can’t even sit straight at the back seat.

BMW 3 series is a little to tightly spaced. A 7 series is probably manageable cuz people still could work it in a MyVi.

A van is illogical. First, uncomfortable. Second, lures the cops. Third, you can’t tint the windows. Fourth, it shakes when you move your hips!

So the best choice is a LARGE, LUXURIOUS MPV. The best model: TOYOTA ALPHARD.

First, it is very spacious. It has reclining seats plus space so you can do practically any pose on the seats.

Second, you can tint the windows so that nobody could see and the cops wouldn’t dare to bother. Cuz if you tint, people think you are a big shot.

Third, it so damn comfortable and luxurious. Fourth, it is easy to maintain and repair, although expensive (Heck! It’s a luxurious MPV). Spare parts are aplenty and you can stiffen the suspension so that it won’t wobble noticeably if you shake your hips too hard!!

BUT… There is still the best, ultimate SEX VEHICLE. THE BUS!!

It is the BEST. It has plenty of space. You do any sex styles as you want as though you are in a room. You can moan as loud and fuck as hard as you possibly can cuz the bus won’t wobble and has adequate sound-proofing. In fact, there were rape cases happened in a bus!!

But getting the ultimate comes with a hefty cost. The bus is very expensive and you need a special licence to own one. Therefore, the ideal choice, EDITORS CHOICE goes to the TOYOTA ALPHARD!

I’ve gotta try that. It’ll be very exciting. One day i’ll buy a Toyota Alphard and show off that THIS IS MY SEX CAR!!!

Drunk (Virgin) at Wedding Dinner

I went to a wedding dinner at Malaka with my girl and suppose to spend one night there after the wedding dinner, which soon to realize this was a very good plan because i needed that stay.

Just like any wedding dinner, a whole-course chinese meal is served together with a variety of alcohol beverages. Me and my girlfriend opted for red wine. Until i saw someone pouring Chivas Reagel scotch, i thought of having a shot. That person was my girl's aunt. So her aunt took my glass; it was a glass used to drink water and iced-chinese tea. Her aunt pour a shot, then she continued and spill the scotch up to almost half-full!

Then, i add a cube of ice, it looks as though i'm having three shots of Chivas. Hell, this is going to be crazy. I have half glass of red wine and half glass of Chivas.

As the dinner went on, i had them in small sips. Then, one guy at our table went a little berserk and called the waitress holding a red wine bottle. Instead of asking her to pour into our glasses, he took the bottle and fill my glass to the brim.

Then, he told me to hit it to the bottom.

We went on for 3 glasses, then he told me to finish of the Chivas. That guy is really making fun of me and the other guys as well.

Not enough. He poured another glass of red wine to the brim, the fourth glass. I drank it until there is one shot left.

I couldn't take in anymore. Half drunk and stomach not feeling good.

After the dinner, it was really hard to walk but i did well given my half drunk condition. Another guy was also as drunk as me. I went back to the motel with my girl and slept on the bed. A little while later, i went to the toilet and puke.

This is the first time i got drunk (half-drunk though). I took about 10 shots of red wine and 3 shots of Chivas. Good experience...

Mitsubishi Evo vs Girls

One day driving down a highway with a friend in my car and saw a Mitsubishi Evo 8 (or 7) and i racked up a random dialogue and narrate it to my friend, spontaneously...


Me: Oh, I WANT EVO! Oh EVO♥, can i have you?

Evo: Oh course you can have me~~♥ All you need is cash ♥. Just like getting a girl~~

Me: OH YEAH~~♥....So can i have fun with you?

Evo: Of course you can have fun with me~♥. Just like any other girl you can have fun with~~..

Me: err...i can fuck with girls, but how can i fuck you? =.='''

Evo: All you need to do is 'drive' me hard~~♥...

(friend interupts: shut up and drive)

Me: oh yeah~~♥ I'll 'drive' you hard. I'll 'drive' you 'till you can't take it and you'll scream for more~~

Evo: VROOM psh VROOOOM psh~~~~~ VROOOOMMM!!! psh-pop-pop-pop (after-burner exhaust noise)

(friend interupts: can you just shut the fuck up arr?)

Me: okay.... Err, is it this exit?
Friend: Ya lah....you and your Evo shit....

(note: the sound 'psh' stands for the turbo releasing pressure upon lift-off......if you can understand)

Wedding Present vs Angpao

I attended a wedding dinner. I presented to the bride a gift. I came home after that...

Mom: You gave a present to the newly weds?
Me: Yup
Mom: People prefer angpao lo...
Me: I give angpao feels like they are poor. Besides, i only give money during funeral.
Mom: So, if there are 40 tables for the dinner, then everyone give present then the couple mai recieve too much presents loh...
Me: It is everybody giving angpao, that's why i give present lah...different a bit...

To the newly weds whose bride is my girl's cousin, i wish both of you everlasting, loved and happy marriage. May you have kids that makes both of you happy (who says only your husband can give you happiness....jk). Live happy ever after...

Seeking A New Future

I gave up hope on my father, and i gave up hope of the "legacy" that he wants to pass on to me. Because as long as he is still there, i will have no chance at all. It'll drive me into the debt. Even now, the factory, after 23 long years of struggling (thanks to my mom-the-great), have finally making its bow and kneeling when my father begin to interfere and do things his way.

It's gut wrenching to see all my mom's hard work being torn away piece by piece. And eventually if i were to work there, i will be driven into madness and debt. By then, i will never to get up and walk the road anymore.

This is the future that i see, lay before me, waiting to pounce on me the moment i graduate. I still have a choice though. I can still make my own path and be what i want to be since i was a kid. But what path is that? How does it look like?

Time to clear the bushes for a pathway. I rang my old favourite lecturer. She's a friendly person and also the person responsible for discovering my crap-talking talents (and being used by college as an MC albeit for free). Call her V.

We met at McDonalds for breakfast. We chat about old times, cuz it was so long since we actually go out for a chat and drink despite she only had limited time left before her next class starts.

Then i poped her the question. "I won't be working for my father. I don't want to. You have any idea for me to work?"

I'm not sure i was seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel but i sure thought that her suggestion was a good idea: Military Engineer for the Army. Not the combact engineer though. I'm not willing to sacrfice my life for my country, especially for the current government UNLESS some fucked-up country tries to invade my homeland. But i'll happy to fix those army equipments and vehicles so that those bastards wouldn't suffer any break-downs.

V told me that her father was working for the military, had a good comfortable life, recruits helping them with their chores, tax-free beers, visiting ships and tough ranking officers coming to her HUGE quarter when she was a child. You don't even have to worry about medical, it's already been taken care of. And once you've worked for some time, you come out with corporate people coming for you. Sounds too good a deal.

I mapped out the newfound path way. I could move my family (except my father) to the quarters. You have to believe that the quarters for ranking officers and engineers are huge. Have a look at the baracks near TAR College. There are Semi-Ds in there. The military would give me all sorts of training to make me a better engineer and make sure their equipments are in top notch condition.

So, i figured maybe this is a good way ahead. I could work there 10 to 15 years, gain as much experience as possible then come out and pursure my real ambition. 15 years of good life with the military (tax free), free training and working with great people. Come to think of it, many influential and successful people had military experiences before. Cool.

Souds more like a dream job. I don't know. But my project supervisor was once working for the navy. He's the navy engineer and he is a chartered engineer. AND he knows hell lot of stuff. God knows what he does not know. (Oh, i know. Anything that involves electronics and programming.) He taught my special class of 10 in general thermodynamics. Once my friend wanted to test his knowledge and asked him an out-of-topic-engineering-question. That man explained thoroughly and even wrote the white board as though it is another chapter in his subject. That made us really look up to him.

Maybe i should have a chat with my God-knows-what-he-don't-know supervisor. He's a cool and laid back guy. He could share his experiences with me i suppose.

But guys, you think this pathway is good? Army Engineer for 10-15 years then come out and pursue my dream? I'm thinking about it...

Playboy: My First Experience (uh…It’s not what you think)

My friend came back from Europe. Before going there for a trip, he asked me what souvenirs that i would like. I told i want something wasn’t available in Malaysia. Maybe an automotive know how etc. Then, this pops into my mind: PLAYBOY

He came back with the latest issue of Playboy Magazine. On the cover, it was Sasha Grey, a pornstar turning into mainstream acting.

Call me a pervert, but since my friend asked, why not!

For the first time in my life (yes, Malaysians are frogs in the well) i saw a magazine that gloriously and glamorously shows nude photos of playmates, models and stars that are willing to go nude for men’s to see. I was expecting some crappy articles with crappy writing (like FHM) and tones of nude erotic pictures that satisfies your willy. To my surprise, it was much better.

It’s better in the sense that the photo-shoots are not porny and the writings are not crappy. Even the topics in the mag are worth reading. Yes, my willy did not sing the national anthem but i’m NOT dysfunctional. (maybe because of my preference for erotica is very much different that you.) But i truly think that the photo-shoots shows the beauty of the models, the feminine aura that captures the males fantasy of having one such partner. It was way better than FHM-in-nude.

But what i like most about is the contents. It talks about things openly with no restrictions and no barriers (as long as it is not offensive or degrading). It’s quality of writing is superb. I really enjoyed reading it like i enjoyed reading Top Gear Magazines.

I realized that the Marijuana industry in USA is so great that the California state government might LEGALIZE the industry. Please note the term INDUSTRY being associated with MARIJUANA. Drug industry if fine being for medical purpose. But a MARIJUANA INDUSTRY, an industry for one specific drug that gets people high and mighty, is being associated to mass consumption! Next month, California will run a ballot voting to legalize the industry. The prospects are very bright for the industry. I think i want to go there…

I haven’t finish reading the mag. But if i find more interesting topics, i am sure to share with you all (who still lives in the well like frogs).

My first experience was very good, but i’m done half way and i’m not satisfied. I want more of it! (uh…it’s not what you think).

Random Quote

“You cannot degrade a person if the person wants to be degraded.” Playboy

Real Ass

This is one post after some time i didn't update it.

This is a post for my friend, for my (fucked-up) father, and to those out there who are about to do fucked up things that make people's life miserable

This is a post where i flame my father in blog for the first time.

***

My father is real jackass. His attitude got worse over the years. He loves to shout, scold and insult every single person and shows no respect and no remorse. And he does not need a reason to do it. All we need is just one small fault, a very tiny bit of everyday disturbance in the office, to get him on the fire and start fucking everybody in the office, including my mom.

Recently, my dear became a listener to this problem and we both realized that my father no longer has the ability for reasoning, logic and communication. He cannot understand what is wrong and right, he can no longer identify which is priority and which is the actual problem. The fact is: HE IS THE PROBLEM OF ALL THINGS AROUND ME, MY MOM AND THE EMPLOYEES IN THE OFFICE. He just won't understand that fact.

i gave up hope on my father few years earlier because he never correct his attitude problem. In fact, it got even worse over the years. Whatever he said or scold at me, i just pretend that htere is a dog braking in the house. I just ignore and resume to what i'm doing. He no longer annoys me anymore. I told that to my mom.

The flaming process happens every two months and now, my mom has had it enough. She too finally gave up on my father. She will quit immediately once i graduate and we will abandone my father. I am very eager to abandone him, really. He is such an ass. The ass of all asses.

To list what are the problems in him and what are the fault in him, i won't because there is just too many. There too many in fact that he became the problem and burden for everybody who tries to work with him or even try to talk to him.

Somehow i do wish he would meet in an accident;
and went to coma;
then he'll wake up;
and all his memories erased.

From there, he can start a new life;
and learn how to be a better person;
because this is the only way while all other solutions already tried;
and failed.

***

I have a good friend. I know him for about 12 years. He has been in many failed relationships and this is the longest relationship so far. Recently, that person also illtreated him pretty badly. More or less like an ass. By right, he should just call it off. But i still don't understand why he wants to torture himself and hang on to that ass-ful relationship.

My mom had no choice. She once told me that she regretted married to my ass-ful father but she couldn't call for divorce (it's not legal after all). Not because it is not a legal one, but because she don't such incident to affect me and bro's life. For the sake of her children (me and my bro), she had to cling on to this ass-ful marriage. SHE GOT NO CHOICE.

To this friend of mine, he had NOTHING to keep this ass-ful relationship going. There is no reason to cling on to this relationship unlike my mom. So why must he so stupid. Yes, love is blind. But when that thing slaps you in the face hard and many, you wake up and realized what had happen. YOU ARE NO LONGER BLIND!

So since he cling on to that ass-ful relationship, let's call him an ass too. (try to make the ass' sound, i mean the male donkey.)

***

A pain in the ass. I've been sitting on my bed with the laptop since afternoon. My ass is feeling a little uncomfortable. What an ass...

I’m Back and Busy; Faith

I came back from Cameron Highlands for a Raya holiday trip with my family. I’ll be going there again with my friends on 25th this month. I’ll write more on the place after the second. But what’s more important right now is that i came back and realized my internet was cut. I haven’t settle the bill.

I’ve been isolated from the internet world for the pass week and finally my internet is back on. The feeling is like being locked up and not knowing what’s going on around you even though you have the newspaper to read at. But then again, our newspapers are practically censored and controlled. So, you may not able to learn all sorts of news domestically and globally. Anyway, I’M BACK.

***

I’m back to my work. Me and my “bosses” resume to our project where we left off. I’m back to busy again. This time, we cannot afford to waste anytime. We are half way through our design and we need to push on. There is no turning back.

My father, as pessimistic as he usually be, laments that our project will not work in its configuration and insisted that we change our design and follow the mainstream designs. Looking at the time frame remaining, i took that advice and give it a thought.

I thought through for a day. I realized that we cannot turn back. The very essence of this project is to give ourselves a challenge, to apply everything we have learned in college and make new ideas happen. This is a test for ourselves. This is not an impossible project. It is just hard.

But i have faith in my “bosses”, in myself and in our design, just as i always have from the very beginning of this project. WE WILL GET THIS THROUGH AND SHOW THIS TO EVERYONE, (and Proton).

Our head of Mechanical Engineering division said this project is ambitious. I agree with her, and i will chase that ambition. I HAVE FAITH IN MYSELF AND MY TEAM!

God Speed…

Shift Traffic To The Air

In the middle of a traffic jam, A and B were talking like this:

A: Holy shit, this jam is gonna take us 2 hours!

B: Maybe you should create flying cars to ease the jam...

A: by then, the sky will jam packed and there will be accidents in the sky like accidents on the road, and they'll fall and strat killing more people...

B: Well, you can sell the flying cars at higher price and only sell exclusively to rich people...

A: Good idea. Then all the rich people will drive in the sky and start crashing into each other and die...then the commoners will be left on the world to survive. No rich people to suppress us anymore....YEAH! DIE RICH PEOPLE, DIE!!

Looking Back...Secondary School Memories

It's weird. My exam is a week away and i still have the time to reflect and look back at the things I've been through.


Me and my lads were chatting during lunch. We talked about the days when we were secondary school. Out of 10 of us, 7 of us were Police Cadets. The other three lads are sportsmen. I told them i was a Police Cadet. Ah Cao laughed, Will Teoh shocked, Kok Fai knew already, and the rest were stunned. You can stun your opponents in a Dota game and look what happens to those game characters. Now, you equate that with the 7 guys who are stunned. The next moment, they asked "Are you talking crap?"

It got me laughing. I was the hog-eating-tiger kind of guy. I look like a douche or a weakling. But hell, i bite when it matters. Then, we talked about the good old days of secondary school.

I enjoyed my secondary school days. It wasn't like your primary schooling where you are piled with lots of homeworks and tuitions that you never have to chance to try something else. All you do was homework, homework, homework and tuitions. (I was in Chinese primary by the way, so I'm not exactly ABC.)

I really get to live my life in SMK Datuk Lokman. It's a very normal school at the time i enrolled it. (Before, it was a school of gangsters.) It's not as bad as it seems. It has all types of people you'll meet and grow up with in Malaysia. It's like a small country where you have bright kids, normal kids, badass kids and kids who will go to jail.

First year, i mix around with gangs until my parents got very worried and talked about this problem to the Vice-principle of afternoon session. Then, i changed and mixed with the nerds. Call me a geek then.

PMR was very easy. I studied hard only during the 2 months prior to PMR. I got very impressive grades that my teachers thought i was a bright student. I wasn't. I was slack and wanna live my life, do dumb things, try new stuff, involved in activities and do something to the principle before i enter college.

Yes, i did them all. study was a secondary mission because i know very well I'll be entering STPM. So, i enrolled for Police Cadet and the English Language Society. I also participated in a small private choir known as the Little Noise. I was proud of being a Police Cadet. It's the only uniform society where different types of people with noob-ness in every newbie get to mix around, work together, and grow into a very efficient and discipline human being. For the first time, i witnessed how kids so weak in terms of mentality and physicality, trained and pushed to become a very different, stronger person. I have my full respect to these people. Don't call them kids even if they are just 15 years old. They'll whoop your ass.

Little Noise was a meaningful singers club. It is also the only club, thanks to one lady, where friends group together and do things we loved most - have fun with music. But it wasn't a matter of singing. We learned how to organize events, meet new people and organizations, create networks and be in the media (public attention). All these on a very tight budget. Besides, it's a place where we socialize and forget our pain and stresses we face in school. It was a very pleasing and meaningful experience. I used write that phrase in my essay writing for English subjects but i don't know what does it mean. Now, I experience it very well.

Little Noise also gave me a field to test my feelings. I had a crush on a girl. It was the crush of a lifetime, a bad one. She was pretty, sweet and friendly. I saw her for the first and i thought "wow, i gotta try to go for it." I started my 'assault' when i received the first so-called hint. Maybe i misunderstood but if you saw that, you would believe it. I wouldn't tell you what is that.

Honestly, i don't have as much a feeling as i had once when i was younger. I just wanna live a life and experience the things i won't do. So here goes, i took her as a social experiment. For her, i fought against my parents, did a year's worth of lecture notes for one subject (i did it nicely too), and she kept me waiting for 2 years. It was hell of a chase. Then, i finally gave up. I knew it was over but it was worth while. After all, it was only a social experiment to the max. You never get to do it again later in life. Unsuspectingly, her killer blow came. After all the years of emotions and the hell that i been through for her, she said she chose a girl over me. Wow, that really hurt. Fair enough. I was the one asking for trouble after all.

Then, form 6 i entered as expected. For the first time in my life, i get to be a school prefect. Nothing to be proud of except that my first job of being a prefect for the first time is be the vice-head prefect. In other words, I'm standing next to the head prefect, the boss that is in-charge of the welfare and discipline of all pupils. It's kind of cool when i look back. I was never a prefect, and out of somewhere i got the job offer to be the vice-head pupil of Datuk Lokman. I have no experience in the field and i basically enjoyed breaking one or two petty school rules. I jumped at the offer.

Form 6 is basically taking the 3rd hardest exam in the world, THE STPM. This is the most stressful, people-changing, brain-washing, very stern test for a person. If you take STPM, you'll be a totally developed person 1 and a half years later. I won't bee different. My childhood friends still mentioned I'm the same old person, just that i am developed in many ways; partly because of Little Noise, and partly because of STPM.

Now, you add the two element together. You are the vice-head of pupils as well as tackling the 3rd toughest exam in the world at the same time being the president of an Engligh Language Club (a failure club) while still actively involved in a heavy Little Noise musical project. This is what i call fun.

I was lucky again. My boos, the head pupil of the school, was a smartass. He encouraged me to play chess. He's a left hander, domestic winner of chess competitions, and a former athlete for Karate who went to Macau 2004. That's why i call him a smartass, i used to call him kiddo. He knew how to use the arsenal that i have in me. Being the vice- head boy and a newbie in prefect, i don't know much on the function and way of things moving in the prefect hierarchy. But i adapt very quickly and assert my influence. My boss is a little hot tempered kind. So, when there is something bad happen, I'm the one to tell them how to correct and deal with things. But somethings just worth blasting about. I only lambasted the kids once, and that one memorable one. I don't remembered what i did.

The English Language Society does not have kids who takes the initiative and commitment to do things. All they did was slack and talk cock. They are so good at that that i gave up any operations i had in mind. The whole society had no activities throughout the year. Fail, don't you think? I mean, i fail. As the boss i should be able to motivate people. However, i had bad experience with these people so i just gave up on them.

I quit the police cadet because i feared that i will not have time. I have a larger activity to handle and that was out of school: the Little Noise choir. That year was the pinnacle of my involvement with the choir. The founder had an ambitious plan: she wrote a musical set (inclusive of script, plot and its music; she's bloody talented and she's no longer available and she's in China now). It's called the Midnight Puppet. It's a first original musical Malaysian production. The plot, story, dialogues and music are all developed in-house. We are gonna bring this on BIG TIME.

We went too ambitious as to go to Genting and try to get a venue. The person in-charge plant us firmly onto the ground. He said "It is possible to perform in Genting but you need to have credit. You need to have the reputation to do so. And as for you young and new group, it is best to first perform in KL and make a name for yourselves. Then, we'll come looking for you." He next act of kindness was very grateful to us. He gave us the mobile number and personal email of a man very influential in the local music scene. I'm won't say who but you can look for the person who made Mawi famous, who also founded the Malaysian Artist Association and the AIM Awards.

Then, the everything begins to fall into pieces. All we need was media attention and The Star came. We managed to get some sponsors, we build our own props, we practiced with much frequency and the ambition has finally achieved. Along the way, we met many cool people and a choir coach who is a big name. On the night we achieved our ambition, we made some audience cried, laughed, touched and enjoyed themselves. I was on a high and everything felt perfect. I have never sing solo before and this was a proud achievement. One or two magazines came and watched, we received calls from various parties to ask to perform at other places. But my dreams are short lived. My parents stopped from the involvement and demanded that i focus on my studies. So i had to. It was one of the rock bottoms of my life. I'll never have a chance like that again, or maybe the coach might allow me to join his very own choir.

Then, it is time to focus on STPM. Hell, it was hard. You have to change the way you think, the way you see things and the way you understand things. A-levels was pretty easy stuff compared to STPM. If you don't believe me, you can compare the character of STPM and any non-STPM in Malaysia. You can see the difference. That's where i understand to full extent what stress is like and how stress creeps into you and you start to feel the fatigue. And when you are about to succumb to fatigue, you realized the exams is just around the corner and you force yourself to push on and never give up. That is what we call the determination and human spirit.

I made a terrible strategy. I know by gut feeling that i will fail my chemistry paper terribly so i thought of full attacking to the subject until i'm ok with it. Until the last three months, i realized that i still could not get to grips with it so i shifted my focus to the other two Physics and Math, which I'm stronger at. I shifted too late. But i still managed to pass the papers except for Chemistry; i failed terribly. Sob.

The STPM results came out. It wasn't good enough to enter a government university, but i wasn't planning to go to a local U. My study strategy was so bad that my result was not enough to enroll to better institutions. But i was so damn lucky there's this thing called TAR College. I'm a TARC-ian now, a very proud one. It's one cool place to be in...

If I'm in my mood, I'll come up with the second part...Just feels like it. Oh, and drop some comments...Hit Me...