My Future Sex Vehicle

Along the road uphill to my house, there are always people parking their cars for the view of the KL city. My friends, one night, asked me what is there to see the view. I said “well, they can have sex while watching the view. It’s their scenario for sex!!”

They asked “What? they have sex in the bushes?”

I said “No. In the car. They like the excitement of having sex with a beautiful scenery and the risk of getting caught red handed. That way, when they cum they’ll cum really hard!!! IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MOOD.”

I think i’m gonna do that with my wife. I’ll get a car and call it THE SEX CAR!

MyVi is not spacious enough, although you can still do woman-on-top style at the back seat but nothing else.

Toyota Vios is an absolute no no. I can’t even sit straight at the back seat.

BMW 3 series is a little to tightly spaced. A 7 series is probably manageable cuz people still could work it in a MyVi.

A van is illogical. First, uncomfortable. Second, lures the cops. Third, you can’t tint the windows. Fourth, it shakes when you move your hips!

So the best choice is a LARGE, LUXURIOUS MPV. The best model: TOYOTA ALPHARD.

First, it is very spacious. It has reclining seats plus space so you can do practically any pose on the seats.

Second, you can tint the windows so that nobody could see and the cops wouldn’t dare to bother. Cuz if you tint, people think you are a big shot.

Third, it so damn comfortable and luxurious. Fourth, it is easy to maintain and repair, although expensive (Heck! It’s a luxurious MPV). Spare parts are aplenty and you can stiffen the suspension so that it won’t wobble noticeably if you shake your hips too hard!!

BUT… There is still the best, ultimate SEX VEHICLE. THE BUS!!

It is the BEST. It has plenty of space. You do any sex styles as you want as though you are in a room. You can moan as loud and fuck as hard as you possibly can cuz the bus won’t wobble and has adequate sound-proofing. In fact, there were rape cases happened in a bus!!

But getting the ultimate comes with a hefty cost. The bus is very expensive and you need a special licence to own one. Therefore, the ideal choice, EDITORS CHOICE goes to the TOYOTA ALPHARD!

I’ve gotta try that. It’ll be very exciting. One day i’ll buy a Toyota Alphard and show off that THIS IS MY SEX CAR!!!

Drunk (Virgin) at Wedding Dinner

I went to a wedding dinner at Malaka with my girl and suppose to spend one night there after the wedding dinner, which soon to realize this was a very good plan because i needed that stay.

Just like any wedding dinner, a whole-course chinese meal is served together with a variety of alcohol beverages. Me and my girlfriend opted for red wine. Until i saw someone pouring Chivas Reagel scotch, i thought of having a shot. That person was my girl's aunt. So her aunt took my glass; it was a glass used to drink water and iced-chinese tea. Her aunt pour a shot, then she continued and spill the scotch up to almost half-full!

Then, i add a cube of ice, it looks as though i'm having three shots of Chivas. Hell, this is going to be crazy. I have half glass of red wine and half glass of Chivas.

As the dinner went on, i had them in small sips. Then, one guy at our table went a little berserk and called the waitress holding a red wine bottle. Instead of asking her to pour into our glasses, he took the bottle and fill my glass to the brim.

Then, he told me to hit it to the bottom.

We went on for 3 glasses, then he told me to finish of the Chivas. That guy is really making fun of me and the other guys as well.

Not enough. He poured another glass of red wine to the brim, the fourth glass. I drank it until there is one shot left.

I couldn't take in anymore. Half drunk and stomach not feeling good.

After the dinner, it was really hard to walk but i did well given my half drunk condition. Another guy was also as drunk as me. I went back to the motel with my girl and slept on the bed. A little while later, i went to the toilet and puke.

This is the first time i got drunk (half-drunk though). I took about 10 shots of red wine and 3 shots of Chivas. Good experience...

Mitsubishi Evo vs Girls

One day driving down a highway with a friend in my car and saw a Mitsubishi Evo 8 (or 7) and i racked up a random dialogue and narrate it to my friend, spontaneously...


Me: Oh, I WANT EVO! Oh EVO♥, can i have you?

Evo: Oh course you can have me~~♥ All you need is cash ♥. Just like getting a girl~~

Me: OH YEAH~~♥....So can i have fun with you?

Evo: Of course you can have fun with me~♥. Just like any other girl you can have fun with~~..

Me: err...i can fuck with girls, but how can i fuck you? =.='''

Evo: All you need to do is 'drive' me hard~~♥...

(friend interupts: shut up and drive)

Me: oh yeah~~♥ I'll 'drive' you hard. I'll 'drive' you 'till you can't take it and you'll scream for more~~

Evo: VROOM psh VROOOOM psh~~~~~ VROOOOMMM!!! psh-pop-pop-pop (after-burner exhaust noise)

(friend interupts: can you just shut the fuck up arr?)

Me: okay.... Err, is it this exit?
Friend: Ya lah....you and your Evo shit....

(note: the sound 'psh' stands for the turbo releasing pressure upon lift-off......if you can understand)

Wedding Present vs Angpao

I attended a wedding dinner. I presented to the bride a gift. I came home after that...

Mom: You gave a present to the newly weds?
Me: Yup
Mom: People prefer angpao lo...
Me: I give angpao feels like they are poor. Besides, i only give money during funeral.
Mom: So, if there are 40 tables for the dinner, then everyone give present then the couple mai recieve too much presents loh...
Me: It is everybody giving angpao, that's why i give present lah...different a bit...

To the newly weds whose bride is my girl's cousin, i wish both of you everlasting, loved and happy marriage. May you have kids that makes both of you happy (who says only your husband can give you happiness....jk). Live happy ever after...

Seeking A New Future

I gave up hope on my father, and i gave up hope of the "legacy" that he wants to pass on to me. Because as long as he is still there, i will have no chance at all. It'll drive me into the debt. Even now, the factory, after 23 long years of struggling (thanks to my mom-the-great), have finally making its bow and kneeling when my father begin to interfere and do things his way.

It's gut wrenching to see all my mom's hard work being torn away piece by piece. And eventually if i were to work there, i will be driven into madness and debt. By then, i will never to get up and walk the road anymore.

This is the future that i see, lay before me, waiting to pounce on me the moment i graduate. I still have a choice though. I can still make my own path and be what i want to be since i was a kid. But what path is that? How does it look like?

Time to clear the bushes for a pathway. I rang my old favourite lecturer. She's a friendly person and also the person responsible for discovering my crap-talking talents (and being used by college as an MC albeit for free). Call her V.

We met at McDonalds for breakfast. We chat about old times, cuz it was so long since we actually go out for a chat and drink despite she only had limited time left before her next class starts.

Then i poped her the question. "I won't be working for my father. I don't want to. You have any idea for me to work?"

I'm not sure i was seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel but i sure thought that her suggestion was a good idea: Military Engineer for the Army. Not the combact engineer though. I'm not willing to sacrfice my life for my country, especially for the current government UNLESS some fucked-up country tries to invade my homeland. But i'll happy to fix those army equipments and vehicles so that those bastards wouldn't suffer any break-downs.

V told me that her father was working for the military, had a good comfortable life, recruits helping them with their chores, tax-free beers, visiting ships and tough ranking officers coming to her HUGE quarter when she was a child. You don't even have to worry about medical, it's already been taken care of. And once you've worked for some time, you come out with corporate people coming for you. Sounds too good a deal.

I mapped out the newfound path way. I could move my family (except my father) to the quarters. You have to believe that the quarters for ranking officers and engineers are huge. Have a look at the baracks near TAR College. There are Semi-Ds in there. The military would give me all sorts of training to make me a better engineer and make sure their equipments are in top notch condition.

So, i figured maybe this is a good way ahead. I could work there 10 to 15 years, gain as much experience as possible then come out and pursure my real ambition. 15 years of good life with the military (tax free), free training and working with great people. Come to think of it, many influential and successful people had military experiences before. Cool.

Souds more like a dream job. I don't know. But my project supervisor was once working for the navy. He's the navy engineer and he is a chartered engineer. AND he knows hell lot of stuff. God knows what he does not know. (Oh, i know. Anything that involves electronics and programming.) He taught my special class of 10 in general thermodynamics. Once my friend wanted to test his knowledge and asked him an out-of-topic-engineering-question. That man explained thoroughly and even wrote the white board as though it is another chapter in his subject. That made us really look up to him.

Maybe i should have a chat with my God-knows-what-he-don't-know supervisor. He's a cool and laid back guy. He could share his experiences with me i suppose.

But guys, you think this pathway is good? Army Engineer for 10-15 years then come out and pursue my dream? I'm thinking about it...

Playboy: My First Experience (uh…It’s not what you think)

My friend came back from Europe. Before going there for a trip, he asked me what souvenirs that i would like. I told i want something wasn’t available in Malaysia. Maybe an automotive know how etc. Then, this pops into my mind: PLAYBOY

He came back with the latest issue of Playboy Magazine. On the cover, it was Sasha Grey, a pornstar turning into mainstream acting.

Call me a pervert, but since my friend asked, why not!

For the first time in my life (yes, Malaysians are frogs in the well) i saw a magazine that gloriously and glamorously shows nude photos of playmates, models and stars that are willing to go nude for men’s to see. I was expecting some crappy articles with crappy writing (like FHM) and tones of nude erotic pictures that satisfies your willy. To my surprise, it was much better.

It’s better in the sense that the photo-shoots are not porny and the writings are not crappy. Even the topics in the mag are worth reading. Yes, my willy did not sing the national anthem but i’m NOT dysfunctional. (maybe because of my preference for erotica is very much different that you.) But i truly think that the photo-shoots shows the beauty of the models, the feminine aura that captures the males fantasy of having one such partner. It was way better than FHM-in-nude.

But what i like most about is the contents. It talks about things openly with no restrictions and no barriers (as long as it is not offensive or degrading). It’s quality of writing is superb. I really enjoyed reading it like i enjoyed reading Top Gear Magazines.

I realized that the Marijuana industry in USA is so great that the California state government might LEGALIZE the industry. Please note the term INDUSTRY being associated with MARIJUANA. Drug industry if fine being for medical purpose. But a MARIJUANA INDUSTRY, an industry for one specific drug that gets people high and mighty, is being associated to mass consumption! Next month, California will run a ballot voting to legalize the industry. The prospects are very bright for the industry. I think i want to go there…

I haven’t finish reading the mag. But if i find more interesting topics, i am sure to share with you all (who still lives in the well like frogs).

My first experience was very good, but i’m done half way and i’m not satisfied. I want more of it! (uh…it’s not what you think).

Random Quote

“You cannot degrade a person if the person wants to be degraded.” Playboy