End of Term; To Laugh or To Cry; Aim for The Moon

Whew. It’s the end of college spell. Plenty of memories to saviour, though many of them are pretty embarrassing but it’ll be so fucking funny when we look back. These good days.

I had a great end to my semester. It ends with the last exam paper with an additional STOMACH ACHE. I don’t understand why. I shit before i leave for college but my stomach begin growling in pain as soon as i step out of the house. It was too late to go back to the toilet so i went ahead with the last exam.

I was laughing my way throughout the test because it was easy, though i regretted not memorizing one question. So, you could imagine, the worse the stomach ache, the faster i complete the paper. I completed it in 1 hour and when to the clubhouse to shit.

The clubhouse toilet is my favourite toilet. It feels like home. It’s clean and complete. What a great way to end the term.

But there’s more after the exam. Before the last paper, me and my project mates received a letter for the VIVA interview (pronounced as vai va, not viva). No idea what the hell it means but it’s an interview for the final year project students who got an A or failed their thesis. I was expecting a fail or a pass. Since i got the letter, i braced for it.

Opened it, i saw the date: 17 January 2011. That’s a date for those who got an A. I don’t know how to react. The car was screwed up and yet i got an A. I went home, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. I went out with my girl that night and i bought myself a Carlsberg special brew. I drink it all quick. Then, lying on the bed much later, looking at the ceiling still not knowing whether to laugh of to cry.

Suddenly, i felt so sleepy. It was already midnight anyway. So, i slept. The next morning, i still do not know whether to cry or to laugh. At night, my girl talked to me and i laughed. WOHOO! I GOT AN A FOR MY PROJECT!

That A is very precious. It’s precious because the subject carries 6 credit-hours, which means it’ll boost your CGPA A LOT. It is also precious because some say our supervisor, a chattered engineer, is a tough man to deal with, what more getting an A. It is also precious because at least i know there are people out there who understood and appreciate what we have done despite constant inference by the wrong people.

During the VIVA interview, there was only one question asked by a lecturer just to get clear of one confusing part. To put things in perspective, the VIVA interview is the toughest presentation. The panel expects you to be the best in your presentation and flawless in your thesis. They will question you to test how far you understood your thing and how deep is your understanding. It’s a no joke. We wore out best formal dress minus the coat.

We were prepared for the worse, especially since our prototype failed. We were sure they are gonna bombard us with questions to prove our worth for an A. If our presentation wasn’t impressive, we might be downgraded.

But surprisingly everything went smooth. The panel seems very impressed by everything we had done. The only complaint was our thesis. There referencing flaws and many other flaws. So, the head of division gave our thesis back and correct them to retain the A. It has to be flawless.

Once upon a time, i read a book called P.S. I Love You. It was a great book. I remembered a phrase from the book very well. It says: Aim for the moon. If you missed, at least you’ll land among the stars.

We’ve missed, but we landed upon the stars. We got an A together with a hell lot of knowledge and experience. We practically carved a path for ourselves into a new future and into a new discipline. Our lecturers were very supportive of our further planning and even gave us a VIP to approach: another chattered engineer who is a professional in the automotive engineering.

My team mate will help me to realize the dream and i have many opportunities waiting for me to grab. All i need to do is put in more effort. My parents, who used to be sceptical about my vision, was finally convinced i’m on the right track by judging on the response from people.

It just feels great. But we have more work to do. We are only at the stars. We need to go further. The universe is boundless. We just have to work it.

To my fellow course-mates-cum-new engineers. I wish everyone the best of the best. I wish they would do the same, aim for the moon and achieve something meaningful in their lives. All we need is passion, commitment and the balls to do it. GOOD LUCK!

Photo courtesy of Chong Yao Wei

I know why I can't score, Little Red Riding Hood.

Most of the subjects i took exam, the lecturers will always tell me to use COMMON SENSE or UNDERSTANDING when answering questions. I did just that and yet i couldn't get a good score. I would get a boderline pass or slightly higher than boderline pass. I do not understand. It has always been this way since High School.

But one day, i was chatting with my friends and i figured out why...

Let's imagine i am about to sit for an exam called Literature. And the literature that i am about to be tested is Little Red Riding Hood.

Of course, as usual i won't bother to read the entire, lenghty story and that the lecturer told me to use COMMON SENSE and UNDERSTANDING. Of course, i understood the whole story but not exactly what happen throughout the story. So, i have to rely on understanding from summaries and notes. I know there is a wolf in the house and Little Red Riding Hood went into the house and God knows what happen, and it's corresponsing meaning values and hidden messages.

So, there came the million dollar question:
What happened to Little Red Riding Hood in the house?

Crap, who would have expected this question. It's too straight forward to even bother to study. I only knew what bullcrap moral values and concepts as explained in tips and notes, but why hell would i bother what happen in the house?

Then came UNDERSTANDING and COMMON SENSE.

So i answered:
The Wolf jumped out off bed and RAPE the virgin Little Red Riding Hood until the Wolf has fulfilled his lust then ATE her alive.

Day's later, the answer was wrong. I argued. But the lecturer said it's the wrong answer.

That's not fair. It's pure understanding and common sense. I'm a big bad wolf, a criminal. I see a virgin chick and both of us alone in a house. Of course i would rape her first then eat her later. How often do I get to FUCK A VIRGIN! What more that i'm a Carnivorous criminal, A BIG BAD WOLF! It's pure COMMON SENSE and UNDERSTANDING!

But the fact is, the marking scheme said otherwise and the story book shows i'm wrong.

Well, so much for understanding and common sense. Now i know why i can't score on my favourite subjects, Ms. Little Red Riding Hood.

Good luck for my exams....lol....

Emotion; Breath; Roller Coaster

Finally, the Final Year Project has been completed, amid failures.

The course of the project felt like The Amazing Race reality series. Contestants wake up and race against each other for the top spot. Their life was fast-paced. They just fly by through everything faster than usual. It’s high life. Out of the dozens of contestants, there is only one winner. I’m the remainders who failed to reach the checkpoint in time.

It’s sad to see you very own creation being stamped and torn and then meshed into something else that fails you. Then, you remind yourself again: this is YOURS. Heart ache is the word.

Anyway, it’s over. Just like the eliminated Amazing Race contestants, they wake up the next day feeling like everything just moves too slowly. Or things just seemed to slow down. That high-paced lifestyle suddenly put its brakes. Things seems to move very slowly. That’s when you realize you could catch your breath, a PROPER breath. You’d inhale so much that you choke. You inhale as though you have never enjoyed that deep, deep breath for a long time. That’s how i felt like. It somehow calms the aching of my heart and eventually forget about it, as long as i don’t mention it.

But it is worth mentioning, or it WAS. It was that aim i am after.

In midst of enjoying those deep breaths, you saw something else that needs urgent attention. In my case, it’s the final exam. Just like the Amazing Race contestants, they need a lot of catch up to do because they were busy with the Race and stuff were left idling.

This semester was the first time that i had not studied any single thing. The project had consumed me so much that i haven’t even seen my college mates for months, let alone attending lectures. Yet, it failed. Sorry to say that to myself.

I wrote this post because the feelings start to sink in. I sloth for a week or so after the Project was ended. I played a lot of games and tried to read the lecture notes. Nothing stayed in my head. Right now, the feeling start to sink in.

For the failure project, i wasted time for study, time for my friends, time to eat proper and sleep proper, time to be emotionally stable, time to BREATH. It was like a roller-coaster ride. It’s fast, there were highs and lows (but mostly lows). I know i will go through such stress and pressure but i never expect i go through this and end up doing rubbish.

Now i look back, things could have been better if i scale the project down a little. I could breath better and absorb better. Now, everything is like a roller-coaster stuck at the submit and not coming down. You realize you could breath better because the roller coaster has stopped, but at the wrong place. It’s not coming down yet.

Try to look down, and you begin to breath hard and shallow. You begin to fear the drop. It’s even scarier when you know the fact that the railings are having serious problems. The railings caused the roller coaster to stuck at the submit and it will fail anytime soon.

I thought: You’ll do down anyway, so just breath easy and relax. Play some games and absorb what you can absorb for the moment. In end, you are just gonna go down, it’s only how hard you go down.

 

Good luck and goodnight. CHEERS!

P.S. I had a very good Bacardi drinking spree with my friends. The drink and them eased me well.